Dear Lovely Readers:
I don't think you're lazy. My blog posts tend to be long, and a lot of them are based on scientific studies. Daring to Live Fully is not an easy blog to read. And yet you read it. You wouldn't be one of my subscribers if you were lazy.
Then, why is it that you have a long list of skills that you want to learn, but you can't get yourself to learn them? We already talked about how learning new skills is a Quadrant II activity, which means that it's not urgent. This lack of urgency makes it more difficult to get to them. But there's another reason.
Anyone who has ever tried to make a change in their life knows just how difficult making changes can be. And that applies to all kinds of changes:
- Becoming an early riser;
- Starting an exercise program;
- Changing our eating habits;
- Learning to play a musical instrument; and so on.
Why is making changes so difficult? And what can we do to make it easier? I'm going to tell you.
Brothers Chip and Dan Heath tackle the subject of change in their book, "Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard". The Heath brothers explain that change is difficult because of a conflict that's built into our brains. The conflict exists because we have two minds:
- A Rational Mind; and
- An Emotional Mind.
These two minds are constantly competing for control.
In "Switch", the Heath brothers refer to the rational mind as the Rider, and they refer to the emotional mind as the Elephant. Now let's suppose that you want to learn a new skill—for the sake of argument let's say that you want to learn to speak Spanish. The Rational Rider knows that they will greatly benefit from learning to speak Spanish. They're willing to sacrifice short-term gains in order to acquire an even larger reward in the future. The Rational Rider therefore decides to go down the Learn Spanish Path.
But the Rational Rider is sitting on a six-ton Emotional Elephant. And the Emotional Elephant thinks along the following lines: "Learn Spanish?! I don't want to do that. That sounds so hard, and boring. And that rolling 'rrrrrr' sound; I'll never be able to do that. And how long does it even take to learn Spanish? Forever! I don't want to go down the Learn Spanish Path. There's a fruit tree down that other path. I want to go there."
Therefore, a struggle ensues. The Rider pulls on the reins trying to direct the Elephant to go down the Learn Spanish Path, but the Elephant pulls toward the fruit tree path. Who do you think is going to win that struggle (the tiny rider, or the huge elephant)?
Clearly, the Rider doesn't stand a chance. Even if the Rider can get the Elephant to go down the Learn Spanish Path for a little while by using willpower, that won't last long. After all, willpower is limited. More often than not, the Rider's willpower will be depleted while the goal is still nowhere in sight.
At that point, the Rider loses control and the Elephant wanders off the path. That's why you've made several attempts to learn Spanish, but you stop before you get very far. Damn that Elephant!
So, is that it? Should the Rider give up on trying to learn Spanish and just give in to the Elephant? No! The Rider needs to find a way to get the Elephant to want to go down the Learn Spanish Path. Ah! Of course! But how?
Chip and Dan explain in "Switch" that there's a three-part framework you can follow to get the Rider and the Elephant on the same path. Here it is:
- Direct the Rider
- Motivate the Elephant
- Shape the Path You Want to Travel On
In order to make a change you need to enlist both your rational and your emotional minds–in other words, get the Rider and the Elephant to agree on where to go. In addition, you need to make sure that the path that leads to the change that you're trying to make is easy to travel on. There's more on each of these below.
Direct the Rider – Make It Clear What Needs to Be Done
The truth is that not all of the problems related to change stem from the Elephant. Sometimes, the Rider appears to be resisting change. However, the Heath brothers point out that what looks like resistance from the Rider is actually a lack of clarity. That is, the Rider isn't sure what needs to be done in order to create the desired change. Therefore, they end up leading the Elephant in circles.
Even if the Rider wants to learn Spanish, they may not be sure what to do. Just saying, "I want to learn to speak Spanish" is very unclear. The Rider can't act on that because they don't know what to do. Look at the following:
- Should the Rider buy a language course? If so, which one?
- Should the Rider go to the local college and sign up for Spanish classes? Or maybe go to the Instituto Cervantes and sign up there?
- Should the Rider just find a YouTube channel devoted to teaching French and follow along with that?
The number of possibilities for learning Spanish are limitless, and so the Rider does a lot of thinking and analyzing but doesn't make a decision on what to do. In order to lead the Elephant down the Learn Spanish Path, the Rider has to be very clear on things like the following:
- What is the destination the Rider wants to arrive at?
- What path will they follow to get there?
- When will they travel down that path?
- What will they do if they come across an obstacle along the path?
The Rider needs to come up with a set of instructions on what to do. In addition, these instructions need to be crystal clear. When the Rider knows what to do, they will be able to confidently direct the Elephant.
Motivate the Elephant – Make an Emotional Appeal
When you want to make a change, it's vital that you get the Elephant on board. After all, the Elephant is the one that's going to be doing the work. In addition, you need the Elephant's energy and passion. However, you can't convince the Elephant with logic and facts. The Elephant can "know" that something is good for you, and still not be motivated to start walking down the path toward the change that you want to make. In order to motivate the Elephant, you need to make an emotional appeal.
One way to appeal to the Elephant's emotions is to make the change visual. For example, if you're trying to learn Spanish so you can visit Barcelona, put up pictures of La Sagrada Familia, the Gothic Quarter, Casa Milá, and other Barcelona landmarks. Each time the Elephant sees these images, the Elephant will think: "Oh, that's beautiful! I want to go there. Speaking Spanish would make it a lot easier to get around Barcelona. Maybe I should give the Learn Spanish Path a second look."
Also, think of how good you'll feel once you're in Barcelona and you can communicate with the locals. Imagine walking into a tapas bar and placing your order in Spanish (and maybe flirt a little with the cute waiter/waitress).
A third way to appeal to the Elephant's emotions is to look for stories of people who have succeeded in learning Spanish, and let those stories inspire the Elephant.
Shape the Path – Craft Your Environment to Support Change
Imagine the following scenario: The Rider is trying to get the Elephant to climb up a steep, rocky path. Even if you've appealed to the Elephant's emotions, for how long do you think the Elephant will remain on that difficult path? Obviously, not for long.
Now think of a path that's on a downward slope which has been cleared of all debris. Better yet, think of a path that's been slicked with oil; the Elephant just has to slide down the path. Isn't it much more likely that the Elephant will stay on that path? Of course it is.
You need to set up your environment in a way that will allow you to succeed. Going back to our Spanish example, you could do things like the following:
- Give your Spanish learning material a designated spot in your home. Make sure that everything that you need is within easy reach.
- Choose a quiet place for studying where you won't be interrupted.
- Put away anything that might distract you from your Spanish lessons, so that you won't come across any temptations to deviate from the Learn Spanish Path.
The easier it is for the Elephant to walk along the Learn Spanish Path, the more likely it is that the Elephant will be willing to follow that path.
Conclusion
Think of a skill that you want to learn. Now do the following:
- Decide how you're going to learn the skill and script it. What will you do, when, and where?
- How can you make your goal of learning the skill emotionally appealing?
- How can you set up your environment to help you?
As I've already shared with you, I'll be launching the pilot of my course "Learn Any Skill Faster and Better: How to Learn to Code, Play the Piano, Lift Weights, Speak French, Draw, Or Anything Else", this week. This course will show you how to get both the Rider and the Elephant to walk down the path that leads to the learning destination of your choice.
In the meantime, hit "reply" to this email and let me know what skill you want to learn. What's stopping you from taking the steps necessary to learn this skill? Have you tried to learn this skill in the past and failed? If so, why?
Sincerely,
Marelisa
P.S. Tomorrow I'll be sharing you with you "5 Reasons Why You've Failed to Learn New Skills In the Past".
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